Domestic Violence on College Campus: I, too, have a story to tell
By: Ke-ana Williams
Ke-ana enjoying herself with reconnected friends.
Domestic violence is a serious issue that unfortunately affects far too many students on college campuses today. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. Data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics shows that about six in every 1,000 students will be sexually assaulted on college campuses. Hearing those numbers may be frightening, but being educated on what domestic violence is, how to identify it, as well as how to get help when dealing with it are all ways to remain safe.
Going to college and being away from home is a huge adjustment for many college students. They may find themselves alone, and will oftentimes try to find someone to fill that void. Not all relationships experience signs of domestic violence, but according to research, nearly half (43%) of female college students report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors with their romantic partners. Even one reported case is too many, so 43% is certainly enough to push for awareness and change.
A photo Ke-ana took during the time that shows how she’s smiling on the outside but suffering on the inside.
“Why didn’t they just leave?”
Unfortunately, this response is all too common when discussing victims of domestic violence. The truth is, it’s not always easy; after all, abuse is about power and control.
I was a victim of domestic violence. From my freshman year to junior year of college, I was abused and had no idea. When one thinks of domestic violence, they mostly only associate it with physical abuse. While my ex-boyfriend did not physically hit me, he utilized tactics many abusers and manipulators use to gain control: physical and verbal abuse. This is still domestic violence, and it is just as frightening and damaging as physical abuse. A study from LoveIsRespect.Org shows that college students are not equipped to deal with dating abuse – 57% say it is difficult to identify, and
Ke-ana with her friend Destiny after joining The Betterment of Brothers and Sisters Inc. at VSU.
58% say they don’t know how to help someone who’s experiencing it.
I often felt afraid. I didn’t know what would happen if I left the relationship, but I knew deep down I was unhappy. My partner constantly put me down, called me names, and blamed me for his mistreatment of me. I started to believe that everything was my fault. My self-esteem plummeted, and I often asked myself why I wasn’t good enough for him. I didn’t know how to talk to anyone because I felt embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I was in a toxic relationship, and I even thought that since we claimed to love one another, eventually everything would get better with time.
But like an overwhelming amount of relationships like this, it didn’t happen that way. Statistics prove that among female victims of intimate partner violence, 94% of those age 16-19 and 70% of those age 20-24 were victimized by a current or former boyfriend or girlfriend. I fit the statistic.
One day, my ex-partner and I got into a heated argument that made me feel like he would eventually put his hands on me. After all, domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. Luckily, I was able to scream to my suitemate for help, who immediately came to my rescue. I often wonder what would’ve happened if she wasn’t there; thankfully, she was, so I didn’t have to find out. That was my breaking point. I was tired of crying, feeling miserable, and feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
Ke-ana and Destiny again during Spring Fling at VSU.
I never reported this incident to Virginia State University. After the breakup, I spent a lot of time with my close friends, who really helped to make everything better. During the abusive relationship, my ex-partner had me slowly alienate myself from them—a common tactic abusers use—so when I finally told them everything, they couldn’t believe it. They knew something was up based on my drastic change in actions, but they couldn’t put their finger on it, despite how perfect I tried to make my relationship appear.
Although it took me three years to realize I was in an abusive relationship, I can now identify the countless warning signs that I ignored. If I’d known then what I know now and actually paid attention, I could have been out of the relationship sooner. Fortunately, I’ve used that trauma to better educate myself on abuse in all its forms. Today, I’m not only an advocate against domestic violence, but I seek to help other students become better equipped to handle potentially harmful situations and remove themselves in order to put their mental and physical well-being first.
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, you should speak up about it. Oftentimes, we may say that it’s none of our business, we could be wrong, or what if the victim doesn’t want to talk about it? Still, just expressing your concerns will let that person know that you do care, and you may even be able to save their life.
Abusers are great at manipulating and controlling. People need help with getting out, even though sometimes they may appear like they have been isolating themselves from family and friends. Picking up on the warning signs and offering support can help victims to escape an abusive situation and become a survivor.
Sources:
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
https://www.campussafetymagazine.com/safety/abuse-the-dark-side-of-dating-on-campus/
https://hawcdv.org/the-truth-about-domestic-violence-on-college-campuses/
https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/dating-violence-statistics/
https://sapac.umich.edu/article/311
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationships/
**ALL PHOTOS WERE CAPTURED DURING THE TIME OF KE-ANA GOING THROUGH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OR SHORTLY AFTER**
